I already knew that I was likely classifiable as having Avoidant Personality Disorder. I’ve worked for the last few years to do something about it, though the road ahead is longer than the road behind. (And well, quite frankly, why shouldn’t it be? I like having more ahead than behind!)
What I never realized is that we are a two-personality-disorder household. I certainly never admitted that there might be a link between my disorder and my wife. I mean, I made forays into that territory, but I was confused by what I found there. I never discovered that she was a true impediment to conquering my disorder.
When I say conquer, I do understand that personality disorders go deep. (Boy howdy, do I understand!) I just happen to think that, in my case, 1) it is reversible; and 2) I have to go on living even if it isn’t, so I might as well proceed with optimism.
I know that I have a personality disorder, but I feel like it’s something I could shed, like a shower curtain I got tangled in or a spider web to pick off. I do not hate myself anymore, and less and less so all the time. 😀
I do wonder if the Avoidant person may also tend towards a mask, similar to the Narcissist? Maybe the trick is loving oneself beneath the mask, rather than the false mask that is acceptably lovable? Or perhaps I am wandering into wild and unnecessary speculation?
Poor kids. Double disordered parents. Sigh.
I have to, I mean, I get to go sketch turkeys now.