the prisoner’s manifesto
I tried to talk to a friend about this the other day. I found myself stumbling over the words. It’s hard to know how to convey everything, I mean, like, everything, in a casual phone call.
I wanted to tell him everything because I want someone to know. I’m really not sure how great my odds are of surviving this, to be honest. If I don’t, I want people to know what happened.
How do you tell someone you’ve been a prisoner of terror for the past fifteen years? How do you tell them you didn’t realize it?
It sounds ridiculous, that you’ve suddenly ‘realized’ you are the victim of abuse. “Yeah. She’s kept me a slave through employment of psychological terrorism for the last fifteen years. I just never let on.” It sounds like a fiction, a trumped up charge to serve perhaps as the coup de grace in a custody or divorce proceeding.
How can you tell explain to them what it’s like to undergo brainwashing 24/7, year after year? How you stop knowing things you know, how you forget simply because there is no way to escape and no way to live with the truth?
And what about her friends? How will they ever believe that the person they love has been the willful perpetrator of slavery? They never even liked you that much to begin with.
It’s time to forget about her friends. It might even be time to forget about your friends. The first priority right now is survival. The longer you stay alive, the more likely you are to remain that way. A determined psycho has promised you a slow and painful death. What are you going to do about it?