A tough day
When she was taking her shower for work today, I had to wash her genitals. She called me later, asking about how much insurance to take. I recommended a lot of disability insurance, as she is nearly there already. She did put forth that she needs to take up yoga or pilates. I would ordinarily say ‘at least that’s something,’ but then it doesn’t mean anything so long as it’s just words, a lesson I’m finally learning.
Since yesterday afternoon, I feel as if every cell in my body is suffocating in some kind of gauzy substance. The guilt and self-recrimination have been especially bad. I know that i need to focus on the now rather than the future, but finding time has not been easy. Today after my walk and a few chores, I pooped out. I’m becoming depressed.
I’m not sure I still feel comfortable going to the domestic violence center. I think I’d rather wait until the insurance kicks in and see a conventional therapist. I’m not sure.